Some help : )
I started to listen to the song and the melody is great but the singing is way off not to be mean or anything but i want to helps you Get a womans voice that would do it way better and i dunno if its your voice but it doestn really fit the mood it seems like the voice is more telling then singing well yeah thats what I think bout it Get a girl to sing for you who can go reall high cause this would be beautiful singed by a girl.
On that other part for lyrics I had a great peace of lyrics in my head this morning but I forgot to write it down so im sorry if I get it back ill note you ; )
Gave it a 5 for the Song and 3 more for trying ; )